Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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