My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
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