I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I am mentally ready for anal.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
