Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
