bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
