3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
