Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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