This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize