I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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