a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
