Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
