Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
