The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
