she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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