She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
