yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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