I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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