My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
