STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
