i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize