You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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