I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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