i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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