i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
