The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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