Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
