1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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