I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
