He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
