I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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