it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
