He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
