I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
we're so committed to being not committed
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
