Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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