I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
