Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
