Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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