i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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