why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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