The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
