i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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