I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
