You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize