I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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