i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
