I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize