I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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