If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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