Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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