I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He uses pillows to masturbate.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
