I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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