their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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