1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
