worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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