He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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