peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
