I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
