I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
