and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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