Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize