There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
