"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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