Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
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