Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
