I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
